the need for dependence

In our culture marriage is seen as a part of the American ideal. You grow up, find a job, get married, buy a house (separate from your parents) and rear children. There is this notion that the goal in life is to find “the one” and then create a life for yourselves, together. But this American concept of marriage is socially constructed.

Americans value independence and individuality and our notion of marriage is rooted in this idea. When we’re married we separate from our parents who are encouraging us to be independent. We also have smaller family units for two reasons: one being that we live in a capitalist environment and need to have a small nuclear family in order to follow our jobs; and the second being that we raise individuals to be individuals – we are only responsible to our significant other, our children and at times our parents. Marriage is also often the butt of many jokes – it is seen as a type of imprisonment and perhaps this is because our individual independence traditionally decreases when we’re married.

I feel that our society has put such an emphasis on the necessity of marriage that it is almost seen as an obligation. Our social expectations push people into situations that they may not want to be in, one being marriage. I understand that marriage has value for multiple reasons, but I feel that it isn’t necessarily essential to a happy and successful life.

I also wonder what exactly does marriage mean? If you truly love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with him or her do you need legal documentation to do so? or has the power of cultural made us see this as normal? I wonder what would happen if you chose to be fully committed to one another but not legally marry. Would you be happier? Or would you feel unsatisfied?

In our culture marriage is seen as the end of the road, the final goal in a relationship – but why? Shouldn’t a relationship continue to grow even after marriage? Maybe if we changed our idea of marriage as the closing act to the start of a new act the passion, fun and mystery would still be there.

I really like Lassiter’s concept of marriage being about creating and maintaining social, rather than sexual relations. And that we have multiple responsibilities and commitments to social networks other than our own small family.

I love the fact that our country’s culture emphasizes the importance of individuality and independence but I also think that dependence is an importance piece of life. We need to depend on each other so that we can build relationships and work together. It’s not enough to live in our own worlds taking care of our own immediate family – we also need to take care of our neighbors, friends and community in order to create a better world for everyone.

acorns

This week in anthropology we discussed gender roles and how culture shapes our ideas of “man” and “woman.” Lassiter argues that it is fundamentally human to be a member of certain groups and to act in certain ways. He says that culture takes the idea of human sexuality and builds upon it assigning different behaviors, roles and meanings to male and female. Therefore culture, not biology, creates the learned differences between genders and, in turn, the values that people place on their roles.

This concept pretty much blew my mind. The only reason that we lived in a patriarchal society is because our culture defines men as the “authority.” And the only reason that women wear earrings, perfume, and make-up is because our culture says that’s what women should do.

This class continually blows my mind.

A common thread that I have found throughout this class is that I am, because of my experiences. And that makes me wonder, if I would have grown up in a different state, or been raised by a single parent, or had lived in the same house my entire life would I be a completely different person?

In class someone compared the development of our personal identity to an acorn. In case you are unaware of what the analogy is I will give you my rendition:

All acorns are somewhat similar

And when they fall from trees, they fall into different places

Depending upon where they fall,

They can grow into big acorn trees,

Small acorn trees,

Or they can not grow at all.

The acorns growth depends on the environment in which it falls into.

This analogy made me think about my own life and my own experiences. I was raised in a family of performers, and now am a performer myself. I wonder how much of this actually has to do with genetics and how much of it has to do with the fact that I was raised in a performing environment. After taking this class I feel like a lot of the reason I am a performer is because my parents valued music and encouraged me to partake. I know that I may have been pre-disposed to be a musician but if my parents hadn’t been musicians perhaps that pre-disposition wouldn’t have developed?

Sometimes I wonder what kind of person I would be had this acorn dropped somewhere else other than in Claflin family, or Edina, Minnesota or Luther College.