the need for dependence

In our culture marriage is seen as a part of the American ideal. You grow up, find a job, get married, buy a house (separate from your parents) and rear children. There is this notion that the goal in life is to find “the one” and then create a life for yourselves, together. But this American concept of marriage is socially constructed.

Americans value independence and individuality and our notion of marriage is rooted in this idea. When we’re married we separate from our parents who are encouraging us to be independent. We also have smaller family units for two reasons: one being that we live in a capitalist environment and need to have a small nuclear family in order to follow our jobs; and the second being that we raise individuals to be individuals – we are only responsible to our significant other, our children and at times our parents. Marriage is also often the butt of many jokes – it is seen as a type of imprisonment and perhaps this is because our individual independence traditionally decreases when we’re married.

I feel that our society has put such an emphasis on the necessity of marriage that it is almost seen as an obligation. Our social expectations push people into situations that they may not want to be in, one being marriage. I understand that marriage has value for multiple reasons, but I feel that it isn’t necessarily essential to a happy and successful life.

I also wonder what exactly does marriage mean? If you truly love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with him or her do you need legal documentation to do so? or has the power of cultural made us see this as normal? I wonder what would happen if you chose to be fully committed to one another but not legally marry. Would you be happier? Or would you feel unsatisfied?

In our culture marriage is seen as the end of the road, the final goal in a relationship – but why? Shouldn’t a relationship continue to grow even after marriage? Maybe if we changed our idea of marriage as the closing act to the start of a new act the passion, fun and mystery would still be there.

I really like Lassiter’s concept of marriage being about creating and maintaining social, rather than sexual relations. And that we have multiple responsibilities and commitments to social networks other than our own small family.

I love the fact that our country’s culture emphasizes the importance of individuality and independence but I also think that dependence is an importance piece of life. We need to depend on each other so that we can build relationships and work together. It’s not enough to live in our own worlds taking care of our own immediate family – we also need to take care of our neighbors, friends and community in order to create a better world for everyone.